just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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