marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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