She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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