I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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