I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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