U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
