She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We're too hungover to prance.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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