the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
