Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
In America we eat man semen.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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