we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I didn't notice because vodka
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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