Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
