one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
