I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
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You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
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What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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