Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
