Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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