Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I enjoy the company of your penis
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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