Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok