I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
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Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants