found the other keg... it's in the tree
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
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I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
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Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.