forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
