she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.