I cockslap morals
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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