i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
