I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Terrible idea I love it