my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now