Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask

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(856): View more from New Jersey

I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.

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(517): View more from Michigan

my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.

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(904): View more from Florida

bring the vodka.

(1-904): View more from Florida

i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?

(904): View more from Florida

we are.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year

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(858): View more from California

It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.

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(619): View more from California

You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.

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