Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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