paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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