we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
