Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
