Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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