apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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