Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Randomize