Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
