how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
