1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
