you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
No subtext here. People are naked.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
