i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
