she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
