I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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