I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
