Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You made out with two different species that night
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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