so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
