Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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