If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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