Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
