When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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