well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
