its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
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Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick very happy bro
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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