bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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