Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize