When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
