oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
