I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
