the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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