Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
