I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
