I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
