I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
