this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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