You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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