Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
