Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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