If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
is wine microwaveable?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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