The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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