The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
