its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
