i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I FOUND THE LEGS
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
