as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
