My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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