If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
