I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
wanna go halves on a baby?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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