Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just cut my nipple shaving
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
