This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
